Layers.

I’ve been thinking today about the different sides of people’s personalities. This probably stemmed from a conversation a few weeks ago and I’m finding it really intriguing.

I am an extrovert by nature but my personality type (ENFP) is the most introverted out of all the extroverts (I will do a post about the Myers Briggs types one day because it makes so much sense to me). Anyway, this means that once you get to know me, I am quite an open book and find it easy to chat to almost anybody. I don’t really care for filters and I’m not carrying around any deep dark secrets. I don’t feel the need to hide any parts of my personality really, but saying that, I am definitely different around different people. I think we all are and it’s fascinating. I’ve been pondering about the key layers to my personality and I’ve come up with these:

1. Confident, determined, ambitious.

To some people I imagine I come across as quite stern (who knows) because this is one side of myself. I believe wholeheartedly in my dreams and have always chased them down. I am a Capricorn after all.

2. Messy, unorganised, liability.

This does not bode well with 1. as you can imagine and is the most infuriating side of myself. My brain seems to run at a million miles per hour and I get sidetracked so much. My heart is always in the right place but even with the best intentions I’m probably running behind. Sorry.

3. Ridiculous, playful, sociable.

I am a weirdo. There’s nothing I enjoy more than being stupid and laughing my head off until my stomach hurts. I have given up trying to explain my humour because I can’t but I love being silly and making people smile.

4. Dreamer, creative, thoughtful.

Lowena is this side of myself. It’s key. I mean, it can be overwhelming at times and I do tend to live in my head a lot but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

5. Compassionate, empathetic, enthusiastic.

I am always striving to be more and more of these things every day. I hope to be a great encourager of people, whether it’s in my professional life or personal life. YOU GOT THIS.

6. Strong, courageous, independent.

I am all of these things. And then some.

7. Sensitive, sentimental, shy.

I guard her 99% of the time, for good reason, but yeah, at my core I am a cutie pie. Shhh.

I’ve just remembered that last year my Mum asked me to write a list of the things I liked about myself, I found it really difficult and the few things I eventually wrote down I didn’t believe in at all, so this is a great post to have written and I didn’t even plan it – the progress! There was a time in my life where I became incredibly sensitive and emotional to the point where I thought I had a personality disorder. After many trips to the hospital to crack ‘what was wrong with me’ I was eventually diagnosed with low self esteem which turned out to be the root of the anxiety and depression I was experiencing. It became routine for me to drive to the hospital in an absolute state*, chat to a nurse for hours and leave feeling exhausted but like myself again (see points 1-7). Those interactions, I am sure, saved my life. Clearly it’s been a long road but I know now that my emotionality is a key strength and crucial to my empathy and creativity. I’m still in disbelief that I used to beg relentlessly for ‘a new brain’ when actually it turns out that all I ever needed was a new environment and new relationships. I’m now surrounded by the most incredible, loving, positive energies and needless to say I haven’t stepped foot in a hospital for a very long time.

*8) Lost, depressive, self-destructive.

The layer that destroys all of the others and one I hope to never experience or subject anyone else to ever again.

I don’t know what the point of this was, I just find it interesting because we’re all so different and it’s fascinating to try and wrap your head around personalities and human interaction. It’s good to be able to pinpoint what makes you, you. And, most importantly, to love and understand it all.

I implore you to write a list of all the things you like about yourself. You’re one of a kind.

L. x

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