Gratitude.

Something shit happened last night which has put a lot of things back into perspective for me; you never know when something could happen to the people you love and it’s reminded me to not take anything for granted. After the last few weeks of feeling slightly off kilter, I thought I’d write a post of all the things I feel grateful for. Pollyanna played the ‘Glad Game’ and I’ve always encouraged people to do this whenever they’ve felt low, but I’ve found myself getting out of the habit myself. So here goes.

THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR:

1) I am 26 and healthy. That’s simplistic, but true. I am grateful for the life I’ve been given and want to make the very best out of it. It’s an absolute miracle that we’re here.

2) My incredible family. Shoutout to my Mum, Mimi, Grandpa, Jess and Sienna for being my world. We’re a small unit but we’re absolutely unbreakable and the love we have for one another makes me feel so lucky.

3) My home. I come from the most incredible part of the world and feel so lucky to be able to say that my heart’s in St.Ives.

4) Manchester. Living here is amazing and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.

5) My job. It’s a dream and something I still have to pinch myself over. I really feel like it’s been a calling and I’m just so proud of myself for getting this far and smashing my goals. My colleagues are two of the most encouraging, kind and weird people I’ve ever met. I owe them so much for giving me confidence and believing in me, even if I am shit at excel. Haha. They’re more than just my bosses, they’re my friends, my confidants and I love them so much (and the fact they actively encourage this page is beyond amazing).

6) The fact that my life is completely my own. Everything I have right now, emotionally and materialistically, I worked incredibly hard for and so when I look at everything around me, it makes me feel invincible.

7) Beating mental illness. For this, I am eternally grateful, especially to myself for not giving up – THANK YOU. I’ve not had an anxiety attack in over a year now and have found an inner peace that I could never have imagined. I am incredibly grateful to have found happiness and to love my life. I can’t wrap my head around the depression I once felt or how I got to a place where I felt so insignificant and hollow that I just wanted to disappear. Having a sense of hell (truly, that’s what my mind felt like for a very long time) has made me appreciate where I am now so much. I still need to write about my experience in depth but there’s so much to say and it really does feel like a different person from a different lifetime so I can’t really muster up any enthusiasm because it makes me sad that I ever, ever felt that way. I’m just glad it’s over.

8) My forever friends. I know what true love is because of them. I have never felt so well connected to a group of people and just know that we will always be there for one another, no matter what (there really aren’t enough words. I’m very lucky and hope they know how much I love them). My new friends, fuck. Sometimes you meet people and you just click. I really do believe people come into your life for a reason and I’ve met some of the most influential people this year. One in particular that I am so grateful for. She knows.

9) My ever growing faith and trust in the universe. This is a new one but something I am stupidly thankful for and still learning about every day. I’ve harnessed my intuition as one of my key strengths and I’m running with it, only placing my energy where it’s valued and reciprocated. Tapping into, and trusting, this mindset has fucking changed my life and the people I associate with because of it (open-minded, courageous, compassionate) are making me a very, very happy girl. The conversations and experiences I’ve had recently have been amazing and I’m just so grateful to have finally listened to my weird, little spiritualistic voice and embraced it with everything I have.

10) You, for reading. I started LowenaPoet because (to put it in the most simplistic way I can) without much communication, a door was closed, a switch was flicked and I was left to deal with a ridiculously complex situation on my own. It had felt for so long like I was screaming a lot of pain at brick wall which eventually eroded my self esteem and made me doubt everything until I completely lost my spirit. Once everything had disappeared and I really didn’t have anything else to lose, that’s when I began to write. I wrote A LOT and eventually I decided I needed somewhere for it to go. I wasn’t expecting anything by putting my words out there, so I couldn’t believe it when I was met with the total belief that what I was saying was worthwhile. I had been conditioned to believe that my opinions were worthless and that my intuition was wrong, so it took so much for me to start writing my truth. I know I don’t personally know any of you but fuck, if you’re reading this and have followed Lowena from the start, thank you. I say it all the time, so you know, but you made me believe in my own voice again when I felt like I really didn’t have one at all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

11) My life. This is broad, I know, but every single thing that has lead me to this point, no matter how scary – I am grateful. Although I would never in a million years wish to go through some of it ever again, I understand that it was all for a cause.

12) The future. I’m looking forwards. I’m grateful and excited for what this life has in store. It’s been such a crazy year, full of new experiences, new relationships and new perspective and I just know the best is still to come.

Happy days.

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