Today I received this: ‘You wear your broken pieces beautifully.’
I understand that it was meant as a compliment (thank you) but let me tell you, I am not broken. I (and I know I speak for other people too) am far, far from it.
Lowena is one side of me. The side I felt for a really long time that I should suppress. It’s my creative vent and although absolutely everything I write is heart felt and honest, it represents just one, albeit integral, part of myself. I am not a brooding, miserable writer who spends her days crying in a dark room. I have had moments of being that person, sure, but I’ll get round to writing about that soon. I have my dream job, I go to work every day, I live in a fantastic city and go out all the time with my friends. I spend my days laughing and have huge, huge plans for my future. I am constantly trying to better myself and worked so hard to get to a place where I am happy. I am no longer deterred by people’s opinions of me or afraid of speaking my mind. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and have been very open about those times where I have felt weak. I have been at rock bottom, lost my spirit and have found some parts of life completely and utterly overwhelming, but did I let it destroy me? No. These experiences have not left me damaged or broken. I am not a victim and we have to stop throwing around these ridiculous, romanticized, pitying phrases.
‘Don’t fashion me into a maiden that needs saving from the dragon, I am the dragon and will eat you whole.’
Brokenness lies not within me, but within the robotic, materialistic nature of this society. We’re forever hiding our human thoughts, needs and desires for fear of being judged and, in my personal opinion, all too willing to hand out anti-depressants to those affected by this ever more disconnected planet, instead of looking at the cause.
Am I broken for feeling with all of my heart, or is it they who are broken for seemingly not having one?
Thought of the day.
(Thank you all the same, I know you meant well and I’m glad you think so – but I am made of so, so much more than that.)